This afternoon, I found a book entitled “How People Grow” (Cloud & Townsend), and I opened it to a random page and started reading. The chapter was about forgiveness, and to be honest my first thought was, “Oh great, they’re just going to tell me that I need to forgive people blah, blah, blah.” But I started reading anyways.
The page that I opened to was talking about how sometimes we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards for our own perfection. We think we have to do everything right and never mess up or fail because then we’d be a failure. And when we do mess up, it’s like we can never get over it or let it go. It stays and haunts us, telling us, “You’re never going to be good enough.” Can you relate? I don’t know about you, but I could totally relate to this!!
I went through EMT-Basic training earlier this year, and I passed the practical testing (after taking it twice). The I took the written test and did not pass. I was upset for a long time, because I thought that I could pass it, no problem. People would ask me if I completed my certification yet, and I responded that I still had to pass the written exam. It was frustrating when they would say, “Oh you’ll do great!” Inwardly I was tearing myself up, thinking I was not good enough or else I would have done ‘great’ like everyone seemed to think.
But what I didn’t realize what that I really am not a failure, that these were walls that I myself put up, standards that only I held on to.
Later in the chapter, it was explained that we have to let go of the standards we hold ourselves to, and realize that we are good enough, that though we fail, we are not failures, and that others may be going (or have gone through) the same things. The forgiveness part was about forgiving yourself, not blaming yourself for not being perfect, because it just proves that you’re human.
Just this week I was encouraged by EMS friends who have been there, who know what it’s like. They offered encouragement and support, which I absolutely appreciate!
So anytime you feel like you’re alone, or that no one knows what you’re dealing with, just look around. Nobody’s perfect (except Jesus), and we’ve all dealt with struggles before. You are not alone!!
A lot of times when we mess up in life, we have the same feeling of never being good enough for God, like He’s so perfect that He could never want anything to do with us. Like we’ve just messed up too badly and things will never be the same. But the truth is that you ARE good enough! God knows you aren’t perfect, and that’s why He sent Jesus to be the perfect one for you! He thinks you’re worth everything!
p.s. I do plan on re-taking the written exam, and I will take it as many times as is necessary to pass it and become certified 🙂